


Diligence: Moderation

by SmolBeanDrabbles



Category: Mississippi Grind (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmolBeanDrabbles/pseuds/SmolBeanDrabbles
Summary: Having sworn himself off gambling his life away… Gerry needs something new to fixate on…
Relationships: Gerry/Reader
Kudos: 1





	Diligence: Moderation

**Author's Note:**

> Part of my 7 Deadly Sins / 7 Heavenly Virtues challenge on Tumblr.
> 
> This one and the situation is fairly personal to me, making it the hardest to read back of all the work I've ever written.  
> I am both Gerry and Reader at different points of this situation.
> 
> It has inspired two sequels, both available on my Tumblr... and I might eventually post those on here too!
> 
> Lyrics: Moderation by Florence and the Machine

_Want me to love you in moderation  
Do I look moderate to you?  
Sip it slowly and pay attention  
I just have to see it through  
You got me looking for validation  
Passion’s new  
Want me to love you in moderation  
Well, who do you think you’re talking to?_

_And little girl, who do you think you are?  
You think you need it, you think you want love  
You wouldn’t want it if you knew what it was_

_I’ve never made it with moderation  
No, I’ve never understood  
All the feeling was all or nothing  
And I took everything I could  
Can’t hold it back, I can’t take the tension  
Oh, I’m trying to be good  
_

_I don’t see the worth  
And I’m still try'na figure out if it  
Always, always, always has to hurt_

_\---_

_noun_

1\. careful and persistent work or effort.  
  
2\. the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one’s behaviour or  
political opinions

Gerry was obsessed. When wasn’t he? Obsessed with the game. With winning. With that hit gambling gave. He hadn’t known that kind of rush, been able to get that kind of fix, from anything else.  
But he had _promised_ Curtis, his daughter… **himself** that he was done. That this time cleaning up his life really meant just that.  
There was only one problem. YOU.  
All that nervous energy, that need to obsess and want something so badly… that kick… he’d poured it all into you.

You didn’t know this yet. In fact he’d barely worked up the courage to talk to you yet. He liked that. The _almost_. Every conversation you had had been initiated by yourself - short, sweet… everything he craved… and yet never long enough.  
He would sit in the corner of the cafe you worked in and just watch you. Gerry felt a little safer sitting all the way back here; like he could deny he was doing what he was doing. But he did it often enough for you to one day ask if he had an office that he could work from.  
Whereupon he blushed and looked to the table with a nervous giggle; “I guess so…”

Trouble was, he was never productive in the office… because he could only think of you. Whenever he had to go back to showing people around houses Gerry would make sure to stop by for a coffee either on the way or on the way back, just so he could see you.  
You’d become accustomed to this routine so much that you had his order ready for him the second you saw his car pull up in the lot. But he’d always make sure to stop and talk to you for a little while, even when he knew he was running slightly late.

The worst days were when you weren’t working. Or on occasion you would swap tables with someone else, and suddenly he wasn’t waited on by you. That felt as bad as losing did. Only he supposed he wasn’t losing money; so it should have been better. The problem was it toyed with his emotions, so it _felt worse_.  
Sometimes you would catch his eye and smile even when you weren’t waiting him. And he liked that.   
You loved the smile he gave back too; his pretty blue eyes, the sweaters sometimes you wished you could wrap yourself up in. It was a strange thing to think about someone you barely knew. But you thought it all the same.

Gerry didn’t like it when you turned that smile on someone else; because sometimes he felt that it was just for him. _But, what if it wasn’t?_ What if every joking comment you made him wasn’t cute and flirty? What if it was something you just did? Because you were kind and gentle… not because you might actually _like_ him.  
What if you didn’t really notice him at all? Sometimes you were so busy you didn’t even acknowledge him, and then that hurt even more. Because what if everything else was just because of circumstance? What if he didn’t really matter to you at all…?

He guessed he could walk away at any time, and nothing was keeping him coming back. But Gerry couldn’t walk away without knowing. **He had to know**.  
That was like walking away from a table… you can’t walk away when the odds could still swing in your favour (not that they did that often in Gerry’s experience, but there was always that chance), even if the game is over there’s still an opportunity to play _one more round_. Although, the point was he was trying not to play games here.  
But **_you_** … made them so hard to resist. But the tables so _easy_ to leave…

So he started staying on your shifts until closing. And because this was both new, and something that you’d witnessed on 5 consecutive evenings, you started to worry. For him, and for his intentions;  
“Gerry, you know this is the fifth time you’ve stayed this week right? Is everything okay?”  
“Yeah… Yeah… everything’s fine…” He slid his laptop closed and looked to you; that same utterly adorable smile you couldn’t help but fall for.  
“Are you sure? Will you be here tomorrow night too? I’m worried…”  
“Oh you, don’t need to worry about me…” He bit his lip and looked away from you “Can I, uh, get one more coffee?”  
“Coffee?” You repeated slowly, “At this time of day?”  
“Mm hm.”  
You sighed gently; “Okay. Sure, but then you gotta leave… it’s past closing time and I gotta get home.”  
“W- Well why don’t you have one with me?” It was about the most confident thing he’d said  
“No…” _Ouch-!_ “I’m okay. But, that’s sweet, thank you…”  
“Well then come sit with me!”  
“Gerry I gotta clear up,” you headed back to the counter “I’ll bring it over though.”  
“No-! That’s okay I can come sit up by you.” He stood  
“Gerry it’s okay I can-” you didn’t have the opportunity to finish by the time he was within inches of you. And even he realised that was a little too close.  
“Sorry…” He lowered those blue eyes to the floor and ran a hand through his hair, bashful. You searched his face for a minute; _what was going on with him?  
_“Are you sure you’re okay?”  
“Y-Yeah… Everything is fine…” he flushed and you got the picture; everything was both fine and far from fine… and that was **_your_** fault.

You shook your head and took his hands, which snapped his eyes immediately back to yours.  
“Come on, sit down. I’ll get you a drink.” Gerry sat tentatively at the bar, tapping his fingers nervously on the surface; “You sure you want coffee? You look like you could use something a little stronger!” You pulled down a mug and set about making something for him. You had just the thing.  
“Why, do you have anything stronger-?!”  
You laughed to yourself; “Noooo-! Why, what’s your poison?”  
“Oh, uh, Woodford is pretty good.”  
“Bourbon-!?” You turned and studied him for a minute “ _Mmm_ … I can see that…”  
You finished mixing your concoction and placed it in front of him;  
“Oh. Is that hot chocolate?”  
“Mmm hmmm.” You leant on the counter with a smile; “You look like you need it.”  
“Thank you…” His voice was so gentle and again his look away from you was shy. You felt you could both be skipping around feelings here. And yet both of you were apparently okay with doing this…

“Gerry,” Your voice was soft and calm, “you had me real worried for a minute…”  
He attempted to take a sip but it turned into a gulp and the too hot liquid burned, making him wince; “… _Oh_ …?”  
You leant on your hands and tilted your head; “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong."  
He laughed, but it wasn’t genuine “What _isn’t_ wrong.” He turned away from you for a minute, “I dunno… Maybe you should just ignore me. Maybe its nothing.”  
“Gerry…” You were gentle again, placing a hand on his arm “Talk to me… Is it me? It kinda feels like it’s me…” Maybe you should bite the bullet on this one. Maybe you had done something without realising, or maybe he was just reading into something too much.  
“No! _You?_ You’re kidding… It’s just, I-”He shook his head; removed your hand from his arm, but, kept it in his own “I am NO good for you.”  
It felt like rejection. It was painful. Even though you knew he’d meant it to warn you away. Even though he’d not actually told you that he had any feelings for you, yet he clearly did; you wondered if he’d even realised he’d not outright said it.  
“Gerry… Do you have a _crush_ on me?”

He opened his mouth and then hesitated; had he not already… made that obvious? Wait, no, _he hadn’t yet told you-!?_ _SHOOT!_ He began tripping on words; his heart screaming at him to say yes; but the temptation to deny it too great.  
You hushed him gently; “Sweetie, calm down! It’s okay, I don’t mind.”  
“You should…!!” Gerry slipped his hand from yours, looking like he’d just said a million things he wished he hadn’t, “I’m no good for _anyone_ …” He twisted back to the bar and picked up his mug again.  
“Why?” You leant back on your hands; “I think you’re kinda cute.”  
“W-" He paused and looked at you uncertainly for a minute; “You do?”  
You nodded “Mmm hmm… But now I completely understand why you watch me so much…”  
“You _noticed-!?”_ Pink dusted his cheeks, making you giggle;  
“Yeah, I noticed.”  
He tilted his head; you were suddenly unfathomable, and he had to let you know that; “But you- I don’t get it… I don’t think I understand… _you._ ”  
You raised an eyebrow “Why?”  
He shifted in his seat, almost nervously “Because… You- Somehow you make me want to keep straight. And, it’s not fair on you for me to-”  
“Gerry, hold on a second… Me?! I- Me?!” You weren’t exactly sure how to react to that. Seconds ago he’d basically been telling you the reasons you shouldn’t want to love him. Now Gerry was telling you that because he had feelings for you; _that he was trying to be a better person for you_ , he was sitting at your tables, and not gambling tables. It wasn’t like you could help that you had fallen for him. It hadn’t exactly been something you’d had control over.

“Y/N,” He laced his free hand with yours, leaning closer to you Gerry lowered his voice “I can’t… DO things in half measures.” His eyes flicked to several of the tables “I’m not- I’m not a **_moderate_** person. It’s intense… And I don’t think I can put you through a thing like that.” That sentence came with a promise. That his love would also contain no moderation. Was that not what love was about, though? Love wasn’t meant to be moderate? Was it? Wasn’t it meant to be a _no-holds-barred thrill ride_? Intensity… That was a whole part of it wasn’t it? Gerry almost laughed; “You’re gonna get nothing but trouble,” He grinned “I’m sure you’re not gonna put up with that more than once.”  
Finally he made you laugh “It just, sounds like you need some diligence.”  
“Oh- uh huh! And where do I get that?”  
You gave a gentle shrug, “Well, I mean I studied psychology.” you pushed yourself forward on your elbows, “So maybe I can listen and help out.”  
“Like a therapist?”  
“Haha-! If you think a therapist would help you! I’m not qualified though!” You leant on your hands with a smile at the intrigue on his face;  
“I dunno, I think you’d be more than capable of... listening to my problems. Though I don’t know if I particularly want to burden you with them.”  
“Nonsense!” Your next smile was encouraging, “Besides, I like the sound of your voice.”  
There was that nervous, jumpy flicker across his face again. _Cause and effect_ “Y- You do?”  
“Mmmm…”

So Gerry began his story. Shortened considerably, he told you about his gambling habit, meeting his lucky charm, and setting out across the Mississippi, culminating in winning a hell of a lot of money. But also his constant fear that he’d not be able to resist the pull back. Yet you realised, as he talked, and as he hinted, and his eyes almost pleaded with you to _understand_ , Gerry had a new pull now. And it was the reason he was always here. Not moderate indeed. It bordered fixation… But healthier than his other one. Still, he’d also sat here and tried to give you a bunch of warnings. Self-deprecating warnings that would impede his goal.  
J _ust like gambling: with his feelings not his money…_ Could you date a man like that? Could you let yourself pass up this chance? That was just as big a question. He hadn’t asked it of you yet, but it was hanging in the air. That he could get those words out. That he could really confess. Maybe that would be a gamble too far? You wish you could tell him it would be worth it. Part of you didn’t want to influence this. If it became something more would all that energy be poured into your relationship? Into love for you? Or would that obsession grow too much… Or manifest itself elsewhere?

**

It was long after closing by the time you both even had the inclination to look at the time.  
“Oh my god! D-did you have to be anywhere?” Gerry looked slightly horrified that he’d kept you, even though you had told him one more drink and he had to be gone. Considering how closely you had watched him drink it, he must have finished hours ago.  
You chuckled, “Nowhere more important than here… ”  
“But somewhere-!?”  
“Doesn’t matter now, does it. Gerry don’t worry about it. I’m happy I got to spend time here with you.”  
His smile was bashful and you liked that, he was just so cute. “Thank you… It was good spending time with you too.” He slid off the bar stool and collected his things; “Guess I might be back tomorrow, anyway?”  
You laughed, rounding the bar to him; “Ahhh-! You’ll be disappointed I don’t work again until Thursday.”  
“What-!? What am I gonna do for 3 days-!” Although he said it jokingly, and then laughed “Well, it’s good you have some days off you deserve it! Guess I might see you Thursday then.”  
“Oh,” You gave him a sweet smile, “I’m counting on it!”  
There was that blush again, and this time when he bit his lips together he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. And this time it was you who was making that gap too small; but it was comfortable now, there was no _too close_ about it.

The first move became all yours as you wrapped your arms around him; Gerry tensed and jumped all at once – even though you moved slow – to feel your embrace like this.  
You tried not to giggle into his shoulder as he dropped his bag; holding him there as you snuggled into him. If you’d imagined it even half as much as you thought you had – it was just as good in real life.  
Hesitantly he moved his arms around under yours; and soon they were wound around you. That only made you pull him closer – revelling in the warmth of his body against yours. And if that was the way you were feeling, if Gerry’s heart was anything to go by, and you could feel it here…  
Everything was blank – his brain and his heart. Although his heart was beating on overdrive and it felt as good as knowing he was just about to deal the winning hand. Gerry simultaneously wanted to push you away and pull you desperately closer and never let go. And _oh_ , **_OH_** , it felt so good-!  
It was only when you ran your hands into his hair that he let out a noise; somewhere between a soft sigh and a whine it was barely audible but it was there as he melted into you.  
“It’s okay.” You murmured it; “ _It’s all going to be okay_ …”

You let him go far too soon, and you both knew it. And that proximity left heat in both your cheeks. Your head was rushing and you thought for a moment that your idea maybe wasn’t such a great one.  
You walked him to the door, slowly. It’d already been about half an hour since he’d said he better leave. It didn’t matter to you, now you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.  
“So,” Gerry turned at the door, stepping down and out into the street “Thursday? I’ll be here!”  
You nodded “I hope so!”  
He smiled and began walking away but you took his hand and pulled him back “Gerry, wait,” you held him there for a minute; and he couldn’t help but entwine his fingers with yours - it was instinctive, something he ached for.  
“Call me...” This time he just let himself smile at the piece of paper he could feel transferring from your hand to his; “if you ever need some diligence…”  
“Call you?”  
“I’d like a little moderation myself.” You gave a wink as you unlaced your fingers from his and folded your arms “Maybe we can figure this one out together?”  
He smile turned into a grin and he laughed, truly laughed “I’d- like that a lot.”  
“Good, cuz I don’t know who else is going to take care of you. But I better be making sure someone does it.”  
That had him looking away from you again, but the blue in his eyes was considerably brighter this time; “Thank you.”  
  
You stood in the doorway of the café watching him leave, and he turned back to wave as he stepped into his car, making you smile and offer him one back;  
_Oh, Gerry…_ you shook your head, loving the way you could now feel your heart beating, because he had done that. _Warning or no, I want the chance to love you anyway…_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this one especially! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
